Rules and Exits
For better or worse, Clubland needs both
Pablo Picasso once said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” Whether you’re a stringent rule-follower or a habitual rule-breaker, rules shape the way we navigate relationships, the world, and indeed, Clubland.
In the spirit of rules, Ishaan Jajodia brings a primer on Clubland’s premier sport, squash. And remember, in Clubland sports, one rule applies: the smaller the ball, the better the sport. On exits, Leonard Robinson guides club rats on how to gracefully resign their club memberships, if they must.
It is also worth noting that today is Leonard’s birthday. Want to give him a gift? Subscribe to Clubland USA (if you haven’t already) and share this week’s issue far and wide to all of your club-loving friends.
Squash 101
A Smashing Introduction
By: Ishaan Jajodia
It’s no secret that Clubland’s favourite sport (or, at any rate, mine), is squash.
I grew up playing one racquet sport or the other. At eight, I was ceremoniously handed a full-sized squash racquet—I remember distinctly that it was almost the same size as me, and thus began a lifelong fascination with busting balls.
Whether you’ve been playing since you were eight, or this is your eighth day on court, it’s never a bad time to have a glance at the rules.
At its best moments, squash is fiercely competitive, yet remarkably elegant. The shuffling of players around the T is an intricate dance that at any moment can veer toward massacre and bloodshed. And—let’s not forget the walls—which add complexity, with the rubber ball sticking to it in the most inopportune moments, making it nigh impossible to dig it out and return it to the front wall.
Squash courts are enclosed on all four sides. The 21-feet wide front and back walls are separated by 32 feet of wood flooring. On the floor are painted two boxes on either side for serving, and the back half of the court has another half court line that divides left from right, creating a “T”.
The Toss
At the start of a match, players have four minutes to warm up, after which a racket is spun. Each player gets to pick the direction of the logo at the bottom of a racquet, and the winner gets to serve. A minute and a half after the end of the toss, players commence, with the winner of the toss serving first.
Serving
Players serve across the court, with at least one foot planted squarely within the confines of the service box. Serves must be above the service line—the second line on the front wall—and land behind the short line on the floor, without being out of bounds. If the server wins the point either on the serve or the rally, he must switch sides before serving again. Servers may start on either the right or the left, but must alternate sides if they continue to win points and therefore serve. Unlike tennis, there’s only one serve, so own it. Unlike tennis, hard serves are rather ineffective against anyone who’s even middling and mediocre, much like myself.
Scoring
Games are played to eleven; matches are best of three games. A player wins a point if his opponent cannot retrieve a ball to the front wall; if his opponent’s racquet makes contact with the ball twice in the course of a swing; if his opponent blocks his access to the ball, thereby earning a stroke penalty; or if the ball is out of bounds—it either makes contact with the upper out of bounds lines on all four corners of the court on its way down, or, it makes contact with the tin, the space between the floor and the bottommost line on the front wall.
The first player to eleven wins a game, unless both players have ten points each, in which case the first player to win two consecutive points wins. I’ve seen games end at 21–19 instead of the 12–10: deuces can really pile on and become rather excruciating and sapping.
Conventionally, players have only ninety seconds between games. Most club squash players, however, are less than precise with ninety seconds, and I’ve been known to take up to thrice that time between games, depending on the rigour and the intensity of the game.
Lets and Strokes
There are two forms of interference that are penalised differently. A “let” can be asked for by signalling an L with your thumb and pointer finger, while a “stroke” can be asked for with a raised fist. Lets are for interference that might endanger play, or when you have to turn around on the back wall to see where a ball is, but never rising to the level of certainty. A stroke is for direct interference: the other player can’t hit a return shot because of where you are.
Remember: at the end of the day, be a gentleman, be a good sport. And don’t wear coloured clothes. Most importantly, have fun!
Members Only
Grand Exit | Leonard Robinson
Clubland, this One’s on You | Benjamin Kahn
Ask Yourself This Before Club Elections | Leonard Robinson
Dispatches from Clubland:
Squash’s Grand Exit. Four-time squash world champion Ali Farag announced his retirement from the sport. Farag spent years at the top of the game, winning four PSA World Championship titles following a stellar collegiate run at Harvard. The Egyptian squash player lost to fellow countryman Mostafa Asal at the PSA World Championships in Chicago in a riveting 3–1 game. Word off court is that there is another impending retirement from another Egyptian squash player, Tarek Momen, who was ranked third in the world at his best.
Another hole in the wall. The Yale Club of New York City recently unveiled a portrait of Dr. Hanna Holborn Gray, who had the distinction of being the first female President of Yale (and later, of Chicago). Dr. Gray succeeded Kingman Brewster, whose Yale presidency was cut short by an appointment as Ambassador to the Court of St. James, in an attempt to save face following a tumultuous period of rioting and protests in the 1970s.
Queen City Escape. As an early birthday gift to himself, Clubland USA’s Leonard Robinson paid a visit to the Charlotte City Club. His report back seemed like paradise: a scrumptious lunch with a former editor that included complimentary sticky buns for dessert, vesper martinis that packed the right punch and its famous cigar lounge. Word was that Robinson was two hours late to his family reunion due to such engaging conversation with a 20-year member currently serving on the Club’s board, who of course, is now a subscriber to Clubland USA.