Chits and Fits
Both are nigh impossible to ignore.
“I chose the Center Club over the Maryland Club because we sent men to the Moon before they allowed Jews in the Maryland club.”
It felt strange to stand up and say those words in front of a bunch of strangers, and yet, after only having visited the Center Club once prior, I’d already felt comfortable enough to lay my true feelings bare in front of these comparative strangers. Once I’d found my crowd—my “fit”—the barriers and inhibitions just melted away.
Clubs, like glass slippers and blood-stained, black, leather gloves, are all about the fit; clubs come in all shapes and sizes and attract all kinds. Maybe you show up for squash. Maybe you’re just there for the scotch.
In this week’s issue, Ishaan Jajodia will provide you with an objective metric by which you can measure the merit of any club sport: the smaller the ball, the better the sport. Leonard Robinson tells readers what today’s Explorers Club members are bringing back to Clubland. Ishaan, making his second appearance this week—he’s been writing from his club and it shows!—writes about the saga behind giving up his Apple Watch for a club watch that actually ticks. And yours truly will have you asking the question, “Will this man ever write about something other than cigars?”
This week, Ishaan Jajodia brings us Dispatches from Clubland which can be found at the end of this email. —BK
This Clubland issue was brought to subscribers by Double Dot Squash.
Smaller the Ball, Better the Sport
By: Ishaan Jajodia
When it comes to club sports, there’s only one rule that applies: the smaller the ball, the better the sport, as coined by author Lisa Birnbach.
Anything larger than a tennis ball demands excommunication from clubland, though it appears that tennis balls, clocking in at 2.57–2.7 inches in diameter, are almost an inch larger than regulation golf balls (1.68 inches); the latter loses out to squash by merely a tenth of an inch (1.57–59 inches). Sailing, of course, requires no balls (except those of steel); thus it is the very best of these. I was bred with the express purpose of learning those sports; any career (such as writing or archaeology or philosophy) merely an interlude between games. Of course, nothing here ought to be construed as me being any good at any of this, and for that, I ask for your forbearance.
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An Explorer Walks Into a Bar
By: Leonard Robinson
Discovery Channel’s Tales from the Explorers Club (2022) exposed the world, outside of Clubland, to the Explorers Club and its history, vast archives, and contributions to countless fields of scientific exploration.
After glancing at a few episodes, I couldn’t help but notice that some of the Club’s greatest attributes didn’t seem to make the cut. Chris, the Club’s bartender is among Clubland’s finest, and is the maestro for the Club’s Friday Frolic, which is best described as an assortment of the most fascinating adventurers that you’ll ever meet swapping stories over cocktails on Friday evenings between 6pm and 9pm.
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The Soul of Smoke
By: Benjamin Kahn
Clubs across this great land should seek ways to return a centuries-old tradition back to their physical spaces: smoking rooms. Any cigar smoker can rattle off the draconian laws that make this difficult, but several clubs including Charlotte’s City Club and Manhattan’s Union League Club have figured this out.
Nonetheless, finding a space to smoke cigars on your club’s reciprocal listing means that one must search for the company and respite that is found in clubs in cigar lounges.
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Why I Abandoned my Apple Watch
And why you should, too
By: Ishaan Jajodia
After three years of wearing my Apple Watch, day in and day out, I gave it up for a traditional watch: solid, with no digital electronics, no battery, nothing, powered by the simple motion of my hands as I went through life.
The Apple Watch first appeared on my radar when I started my doctoral studies, right after the pandemic. A year of pandemic-induced lethargy and catastrophism had taken its toll on my body and my brain; I had neither a healthy body nor a healthy mind. So, I did what adults usually do and reverted to a childhood obsession with squash. I was tired, frustrated, puffy, and quite out of shape, and I thought serving up numbers and gamifying the process of getting fit would keep me on the straight and narrow.
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Dispatches from Clubland
The Dartmouth Club of New York, in residence at the Yale Club of New York, sent out a letter informing members of the increase in the Dartmouth Assessment—which itself was anything between $8.04–$17.06 a month—by a measly ten percent, raises of less than $2 per month, as the letter, penned by Charles Allison, Dartmouth Club’s president, pointed out. Over a year, that’s less than a case of Keystone Light, the beer inside Keggy the Keg, our unofficial mascot.
The letter also contained the following snippet: “Some on the Executive Committee believe that this will lead to resignations from the Yale Club. I am hoping that all of you see the value of Yale Club membership …”.
For Dartmouth alumni, this is an extraordinary statement. Most Dartmouth alumni have a love for their alma mater that borders on zealous cult membership, consecrated by Homecoming, Winter Carnival, and Green Key. But do the hill winds blow so weak that Allison had to spell out the benefits of membership?
Allison continues: the Yale Club is “a great place to meet with classmates and other friends, an oasis in mid-town Manhattan near Grand Central so you can hang out after work for a beverage or a snack, or an impressive location where you can invite a potential customer for a breakfast, lunch or dinner.”
Apart from the missing oxford comma, which yours truly found rather disturbing, this is perhaps the weakest defence of Clubland and club life that I’ve seen. Why join a club when you can booze at Campbell’s across the street or go to any of Manhattan’s remarkable restaurants to wine and dine?
We all suffer from crises of purpose, and this seems to be a rather profound one. The following paragraphs in the letter include no mention of the squash courts (only the gym).
I guess that you’ll just have to rely on the club rats at Clubland to come to the defence of clublife and Clubland.
Talking of squash—we’re in the midst of squash season, and there’s always excitement abuzz on the PSA tour. Next week marks the Manchester Open, across the pond, in Manchester, England. The Colombian squash player Juan Camilo Vargas, currently world #37, is poised to play the Pakistani-American squash player Shah Khan, in what is sure to be an exciting game. This past weekend, Vargas played the Frenchman Victor Crouin in the German Open, falling valiantly in the second round. We’ve got our hopes pinned on Vargas to redeem himself in Manchester!
On a slightly different note, the Center Club in Baltimore, MD, just welcomed Nicholas Steege as their new general manager. Steege, previously their Assistant General Manager, had been serving in an interim capacity as the General Manager, a position that he is now appointed to in his own right and on his own terms. We wish him the very best! —IJ
Thank you for reading Clubland. Our next issue will be Tuesday, April 1 at 3pm.