Call Pickleball what you want
But it’s no club sport
Pickleball isn’t a club sport.
Throughout Clubland, they first came for the tennis courts, and I did not speak out (much)—because I was not a tennis player. Then they came for the squash courts, and here I am.
You might have noticed the absence of that ghastly abomination, pickleball, from our club sports roundup, Smaller the Ball, Better the Sport. Let’s start with simple facts: pickleball balls aren't balls to begin with, holes and all.
My ire was stoked by seeing a squash court at the Yale Club of New York City being converted “temporarily” to a pickleball court over the summer. Leaving that horrendous noise-pollution creating, migraine-inducing, cretinous sport in the dustbin of fads would have been the right and proper thing to do, but here we are, compelled to contend with the treacherous trespass on our beloved courts.
First, it isn’t British in origin—squash, lawn tennis, sailing, and golf all share origins in the British Isles. Second, it’s also the newest sport on the club roster, and if there’s one thing this curmudgeon despises, it’s cheap novelty.
Last, but not the least, pickleball isn’t a gateway sport: neither is SoHo House a gateway to a Gold-Standard Club, nor is pickleball a gateway to tennis or squash, or to some actual sport. One might as well play croquet on one’s club’s lawn and enjoy how their ball slides against the perfectly manicured lines.
Clubs all across the United States have been dedicating resources to pickleball facilities in attempts to engage younger members and tap into “pickleball mania”, but these attempts detract from investment into actual facilities.
In a few years, proper club sports, such as squash and tennis, will quietly disappear like billiards tables, club tables, and cigar-smoking rooms. This fad won’t be temporary, be forewarned. Maybe even that grand ballroom of yours or the library will get converted to indoor pickleball courts.
Don’t write Clubland USA telling us that we didn’t warn you.